Life’s Essence – It’s My Life

When did joy become something shameful? When did wonder stop being wisdom? This is a love letter to every soul who was told they dream too loud. How joyful wonder is labeled immature and unfitting for a mature adult — while it should be the one thing we should deepen with age.

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Featured Image 2025 © Lunareth

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🏷️ Tags and Trigger Warning: chronic illness, dreaming, joy, purpose, resilience, self-worth, writing, wonder, inspiration. This post discusses themes of internalized shame, chronic illness, ableism, emotional suppression and the quiet grief of being told to stop dreaming. Please read with care and kindness toward yourself.

🕯️ Disclaimer

The story below reflects my personal thoughts, emotions and experiences. It is not meant to place blame or assign judgment, but to offer understanding, invite reflection and remind others that they are not alone. My intention is never to hurt or accuse, only to shed light on what we often carry, the mistakes we make while trying to live and the possibility that healing begins with honesty.

Everything I share here is personal, never professional advice. These are fragments of my journey, offered with three hopes:

1. That someone reading might feel a little less alone — and a little more understood, even comforted.
2. That someone reading might discover a new idea, or at least a spark of clarity, bringing them one step closer to a “better” tomorrow, one day at a time.
3. That even someone in a completely different situation might find the words speaking to them, maybe as inspiration for understanding or at least some food for thought.

Thank you for reading with compassion.

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… Joy …

When did joy become something shameful?
When did wonder stop being wisdom?

I’ve spent most of my life being told to be “realistic” and grow up.
To “get my head out of the clouds” and to stop wanting, stop dreaming, stop reaching.

And when I didn’t?
I was called immature.
Spoiled.
Ungrateful.
Even cruel.
Even selfish.

All because I dared to say:

• This is not what I need.
• That does not fit me.
• That is not where my heart lives.

Somehow, just expressing a desire is enough for people to throw shame like daggers.
As if saying no to what hurts me means I don’t appreciate what I have.
As if dreaming bigger is an insult to everyone else.

But listen closely, because this is what I think:

✨ Wanting something is not wrong.
✨ Desiring more is not selfish.
✨ Dreaming is not immaturity.
✨ Hope is not a sin. Not a flaw. Not a weakness.

It is a goal.
A soft, flickering light ahead in the dark.
It’s the reason we keep walking, even when we crawl.

Only when hope turns into demand or entitlement does it shift into something else.
But to simply want, just to whisper quietly “I wish…” – that is sacred in my eyes.

And yet, time and again, I’ve been made to feel like a child with sticky fingers daring to reach for stars.
Told to “know my place” when it is still mine to find.
Told to “keep my feet on the ground” while my wings just want to spread.
Told to “be aware of my status” as if I’m just a number in a spreadsheet.

They dress it up in adult words.
Words like: Useful – Practical – Responsible – Realistic.

But what they really mean is:

• Don’t ask for more.
• Don’t make others uncomfortable by hoping.
• Don’t shine too brightly when the world wants grey.

Don’t be the color in all that goo of grey.

But I refuse to live a life like this.

I refuse to be suffocated like that.

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Ok, so any published work yet?

Somebody actually asked me that.
In my eyes, this reads almost devaluing.
As if my blog alone, my first post I made, wasn’t valid enough on it’s own.
That’s at least how it feels to me.

So for all the people feeling they have a need to know:
I’ve been published. Twice. Over 20 years ago.
The publisher no longer exists, but I did publish two short stories.
One christmas short story.
One erotice short story.

And even then, just like today, I was dismissed.
I was told it was just a phase.
Just luck that “something like that” got picked and printed.
Just a silly girl chasing shadows.
Not good enough.
Not public enough.
Not professional enough.
Not big enough.
Not successful enough.

And when I dared to keep chasing, even through illness and exhaustion?
I was told I would “grow out of it” when enough time passed.
That the fight in me, the dreaming, would fade once life beat it out of me.

But here I am.
Still dreaming.

Bruised? Yes.
Tired? Absolutely.
But still filled with wonder.
Still searching for joy.
Still believing there’s something beautiful on the other side of all this pain.

Because that spark of joyful wonder?
That deep, burning desire for something more?

It is not childish.
It is human.

And the older we get, the more we need it.
To remember joy.
To choose joy – just for the sake of joy.
To keep fighting for it even when the world tells us to sit down and stay quiet.

Despite all my health and life struggles, I managed this.
Now I am excited to find out … what else can I do?
And I, for once, am really happy I finally found a way to a little piece of joy.
I don’t know where my road leads, but I’ll have fun on the way!

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2025 © ComFORTYart

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A little piece of heaven.

My opinion? Joy for the sake of joy – that’s enough.

Because so many things today are in the name of “progress” – right?
Which for me is nothing else but pressure.
But our hobbies? Our sanctuaries?
They shouldn’t be pressure, they should be pleasure.

Who says that just enjoying something is a waste of time?
Many people. Someone in my family too.
It’s a waste of time if nothing comes of it.

“Do something useful instead” – I was told.
“But you’re not good at it” – Another all time favorite I’ve heard.
As a hobby? For relaxing? Raising the stakes?
Really? Isn’t that like defeating it’s purpose?

My food for thought for that?
There are only two valued reasons to do something:
– I want to do it, and then: I can do it.
– More important: I enjoy doing it.

If you don’t steal nothing and hurt nobody …
those reasons are more than enough in my book.

Draw badly.
Write horribly.
Sing passionately.
Play terribly.
Game awfully.

So what? As long as you have fun doing it!

Maybe you get better, maybe you don’t.
Thing is, once you actually savor what you do, you are more likely to keep doing it.
And once you keep doing it, the chance is higher that you get better at it.
But it won’t matter.

Thing is … you don’t even have to.
Why? Because you are already enjoying it.

So whatever it is your heart desires,
whatever you dream of doing,
in my book there is only one right choice.
Go for it. Or as an ad says: Just do it.
Be hilariously bad at it – as long as you smile while doing it.

Do what you enjoy.
Do it badly.
Do it scared.
But do it.
We only have one life.
Make it exist first.
You could make it even better later (but not necessarily).

Because firstly: Make the memories.
Use your time, your life, for your pleasure as much as you can.
No matter what people say.
No matter if you’re scared.
No matter if you’re nervous.

As Lily Meola has it so perfectly in my ears:
🎶 So scared of failure that we fail to try ~ It ain′t big enough if it doesn′t scare the hell out of you ~
If it makes you nervous It’s probably worth it ~ Why save it for sleep when you could be living your daydream 🎶

The thing about fear? It’s a survival mechanism.
But your brain only warns you of possible danger,
no difference if its fear of failure or a mountain lion.
Just for you to notice, not necessarily to keep you away (only if it’s a lion).
So ask yourself: Is it safe for me and others?
Then – thank you brain for the early warning system, I checked.
Second question: Do I want to do it, even scared (or bad)?
If the answer to both is yes … you know what I’m gonna tell you.

So if no one’s told you today:

✨ You’re allowed to dream vividly.
✨ You’re allowed to want more.
✨ You’re allowed to wish for something different.
✨ You’re allowed to hope for better.

Let it be your compass.
Let it be your quiet rebellion.

You are not immature for reaching toward joy.
You are brave for not giving up on it.

And neither will I.

Because that – for me – is Life’s Essence.

And from that came my motto:

~ Enjoy the good times, slide through the bad times,
but most importantly: FOX-FAIL FORWARD! 🦊💖 ~

And like Bon Jovi sung a few years back, the song I heard recently and that inspired me for this whole post:
🎶 It’s my life. It’s now or never – I ain’t gonna live forever. I just want to live while I’m alive.
It’s my life. My heart is like an open highway. Like Frankie said, “I did it my way”
I just want to live while I’m alive. It’s – my – life. 🎶